Death of a Friend

Posted on February 27, 2012

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I want to share something very personal with my blogging family here that occurred late last month.

In the wee hours of January 23, 2012, I lost not just a friend, but my best friend and the love of my life. We were married over 28 years and have two beautiful grown girls. We had the type of marriage where we could be together 24 hours a day and it not be enough. We had our occasional quarrels, but mostly we simply enjoyed spending time together.

He had an infectious laugh and the best sense of humor. Not only was he handsome, but he was one of the most brilliant men I’ve ever known.

In regards to his health, Willie had a couple of diseases that disabled him, but not to the point of causing his death. It was a surprise and devastation for me and our girls.

We did not know for three weeks after he died — until the toxicology report came back — what he died from. Although he had one artery going into the heart that was 80% blocked near the entrance to the heart, the coroner ruled that it was an accidental overdose of Fentanyl.

Like many sufferers of advanced interstitial cystitis (a serious debilitating bladder condition), Willie used a Fentanyl patch for pain relief, among other oral prescription pain killers. Fentanyl is the same drug terminal cancer sufferers use to help manage pain while awaiting death.

Apparently, the patch leaked allowing a high toxicity level of the drug into his bloodstream and that is what caused his demise … and our great loss. The patch used to have issues like this, but was taken off the market for a while to correct the issue. It appears there may still be a problem with  it.

For the first four-and-a-half weeks after his death, I could do nothing but cry every day and wish he’d taken me with him. I accepted a brick-and-mortar job in early July of last year, because my writing jobs were not paying enough. I was working evenings until just this week when I go to days, so I was not even there when he passed away.

My girls and I still question why, but are working hard at finding our new “normal,” whatever that is. Friends and family are doing their best to help that along. I couldn’t ask for a stronger support system at home and at work, and I’ve always been able to count on our blogging membership here for support. Please know that you can count on me, too.

To combat the grief, I’m keeping myself busy with activities and cultivating relationships I did not have time for before. It helps pass the time and I think it will help the healing process along.

It is now that I need my blogging community more than ever. I need your prayers and support to get us through this. I need your friendships to continue and will definitely stay in touch and keep you updated if you are interested. If you need something from me for which I can assist, please don’t hesitate to ask.

I want you to know that if I will help if I can.

Thank you for all your wonderful support and encouragement in the past, and I look forward to continued relationships going forward.

To all of you — God bless!

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